Not just Ozzy’s mom

While trying to organize my photos, I chanced upon my old photographs taken just before I had Ozzy. I was a party girl. I was out almost every weekend. I was with friends most of the time. I was selfish and self-absorbed. I had fun. I drank. I came home late.

I was not a bad girl really. I would always ask permission and tell mom where I am, who I’m with and what I’m doing. I was just a typical 20-something with nothing else much better to do.

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This is what I looked like before, this was taken after our graduation ball.

We were dancing and drinking to celebrate our new found freedom.

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And this is how I look like now.

A mommy to a spunky 17-month old boy and a wife. Notice anything different? Maybe to the outside, there’s nothing different. But I am a different person. The best compliment I’ve gotten post-pregnancy are something like, I don’t look like I have a kid, or my son looks like my brother lang or nephew and not actually my own son.

Some may not view it as a compliment, but I do. There is more to me than just Ozzy’s mom. Right now, I’m in a stage where I’m trying to be the best mom I can be while still keeping true to myself. But it’s really hard because family always comes first.

I don’t want to be 40-something and looking back, not knowing myself as me because I am too preoccupied with being a mother & a wife. I’ve been thinking about this because I have not had a decent day/night out. You may think it’s selfish, but mothers do need a break sometimes.

The thing is, I get so guilty when I go out that I always limit my laag. I always come home early. I have always been laagan, never a homebody and now I am forced to. (See, I feel guilty even saying that). I miss going out for coffee, going dancing, going to karaoke bars, going to fiesta’s, watching movies, going on a date, eating out or just plain hanging out with friends. Don’t get me wrong I DO go out but its on rare occasions.

I love my son to pieces, and I will do anything for him but since he was born, it’s always me who is with him and since I breastfeed (until now) he’s a somewhat clingy boy. A mama’s boy. I never nap…I never ‘just relax’. There’s always something to do, someone to take care of. Am I being selfish??? Slap me if I am.

…I now know what my Christmas wish is, one whole day in the Spa. Hmmm..I wish.

****{posted this entry last december 2007}****